Finding My Way/Out of Context

There are a number of people in the world (probably you, if you're reading this) that know me through and through.  Many have seen me grow up and know all about my awkward stage, my sad stage, my ________stage, my _________stage (the blank lines refer to observable stages in my life that I didn't even know I had!)... I take great solace in the fact that there are people in my life that, even if I start to forget who I am, can steer me in the right directions.  They know me at my core, have traced at least part of my trajectory, and can act as my compass when I am lost. 


While I mean lost geographically, figuratively, spiritually etc., I'd like to recall two more literal events.  I went to college in Ohio, and one day early in my college career, I was driving back from the airport, and found myself misplaced on any number of rural roads.  Since I hadn't lived there more than a year, my sensory perception of rural America was not up to par, and each two-lane road looked the same as the next.  As such, I had turned prematurely.  My dear father called just at the right time (to talk about something else, I'm sure) and I cheered, "Oh, Dad!  I'm lost, can you help me figure out how to get back to school?" Patiently, he followed my progress from Google Maps, and sure enough, I found my way back to school.  Just two days ago, I received another phone call at just the right moment.  I was to be at a dog's birthday party at 2:30.  It was within walking distance, so I copied down the directions and set a course for the park.  After an hour of walking around in circles? squares? triangles? the absolute wrong direction? my mother called me (to talk about something else, I'm sure) and I cheered, "Oh, Mom!  I'm lost, can you help me figure out how to get to the park on the corner of ____________ and ___________?"  Patiently, she found me and directed me from thousands of miles away.  I arrived at the party late, but fashionably so.  While these two examples are literal geographical confusions, I can remember many times in my life when I've lost track of who I am, who I want to be, where I came from or where I'm going, and it is always a great relief and a great joy to have many people in my life that can set me straight. 


During my semester in China in 2007, I came to the terrifying realization that I was the only one in my current circle of friends that was in China and I would have to define my own self in China, and carry that experience back to the States with me all on my own.  I did the best I could.  Now, since I find myself in Lima for a more extended period of time, this same theme and worry reveals itself in a slightly different way.  I have a number of friends here (still countable on 1 hand, unfortunately) from the States and from Peru, and as we learn more about each other, I realize just how much they don't know about me.  To them, I am a searching, frustrated person just now getting her sea feet and adjusting her telescope to see what the future holds.  They don't know that I love the theatre, love to sing, enjoy casual conversions and witty word-play.  They are surprised that I've done karate since a very young age, and don't grasp just how much my perspective changed after China.  But they do know that I love to dance, that I love education, and that enjoy long walks on the beach and candlelit dinners (because doesn't everybody?!).  In a place where the people that know me best are far away and I alone am left with the job of defining myself, have I let a few things slide?  I feel inherently out of context here because the people that put me in context are located on another page of another book on another shelf in another library far, far away. 


Neither am I lost, however.  In many ways, it's freeing to have the ultimate fresh start.  I am who I show myself to be, and I've got to be me because not even the best actors can play charades for ten months.  So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know who I am and I am who I am, just without you.  I miss you.


Enough, however, of this aimless philosophizing.  Speaking of out of context, however, I attended this dog's birthday party as if I weren't allergic to dogs, and rolled around with the dogs, held the dogs and (eek) let the dogs lick my face like I'd done it all my life.  But in the interest of developing relationships (not just with dogs), I threw caution (well, good hives-free health) to the wind.

The picture above is the setting.  You may recognize two of the women from the picture of me in Arequipa, for they were traveling companions.  The boy standing in the center of the picture is the son of the woman on the far left, and he is just lovely.  The woman sitting on my right is the dog owner, and hostess.  The dog pictured, however, is not the birthday dog, but rather, the dog of the boy in the center.

Another shot of the party.

Because I was out of context, and throwing caution to the wind, I wrestled with the dog, and couldn't be happier about it.  What other cautions (don't worry Dad, within reason...) should I throw to the wind to enjoy my life more fully?

The party was in a beautiful park (the pictures don't really do it justice) in one of the most wealthy neighborhoods in Lima.  It was lovely.  In retrospect, I'd get lost and wander aimlessly throughout this neighborhood any day of the week!